Hi! I'm Ola.

I'm a polyamorous, atheist geek. I'm shy and not very social (but that's something I want to work on – in particular, by blogging). Recently, I've turned my life around in many aspects: first, I finally finished my Ph.D. (yay!) which invoved mostly game theory and some machine learning. But I decided not to stay in the academia, and instead applied for a job of a software engineer at Google. My partner Danny and I both got accepted (double yay!!) so we are now Nooglers. Oh, and we also left Israel and moved to Canada :-) Lots of changes... I basically feel like I am now starting a new life.

Among my hobbies: Brazilian Jiu Jitsu -- although the sport is such an important part of my life that I doubt if "hobbie" is the right word for it. Unfortunately, I discovered this amazing art very late (aged 28); also unfortunate is the fact that I completely lack any sort of talent or natural instinct for it... :-(

Other stuff I like: books, board games, talking with friends, learning.

I started this blog in the beginning of 2009. Warning: it is about ME ME ME ME ME – and my opinions on all kinds of stuff. Its main purpose is to offer a glimpse into my soul to anyone interested. It is intended primarily for people who are already for some reason curious about me and want to get to know me better.  

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Whether you do martial arts or not, I think you should watch this video:


Rener and Ryron Gracie explain the dangers of the rear naked choke (it’s not easy at all to determine that the recipient has passed out! Their body will not go limp, as one might think!) They end with the super-important 10 seconds rule: if you apply the choke for 10 seconds and your partner is not tapping, then either (1) he is unconscious, or (2) you’re doing it wrong -- and in both cases you should let go!

I’ve been doing jiu jitsu for a while, and the scary thing about this video is that it made me realize that I’ve been doing some things wrong.

I did not observe the 10 seconds rule.

Throughout my entire experience, I was almost always sparring with someone who is a lot better than me. So, I got too used to knowing that there was no way I’d actually catch him in a choke; and that whenever I was applying a choke and he was not tapping, it was because I was doing it wrong. Now, there are emotional reasons why it is difficult to let go at that point, even though I know that I’m doing it wrong -- I keep hoping that it might still work with just a little more time, and, more importantly, I’m afraid to let go, because I know that then he won’t give me any opportunities to adjust the choke, and I’ll just lose the position.

And it’s been the same way with other newbies when they sparred with me -- there were numerous times when I didn’t tap to a misapplied choke, instead just telling them “No, that’s not working. You’re just wasting energy this way”. But before I said it, they just kept trying on and on! The important thing here is that we all got way too used to relying on our partner to tap on time, and this tragedy has reminded me of the terrible danger of this approach.

All jiu jitsu practitioners know the feeling of being choked correctly -- that’s something you learn from day one, with the explicit purpose of being able to identify when you should tap. That’s super important. However, that should never be your only precaution! You cannot rely solely on your partner to be responsible for their own safety -- and that’s something that might be easy to forget when you keep sparring with very knowledgeable people. Even the knowledgeable people can be wrong; more importantly, if you get too used to relying on the other person to tap, you might automatically do the same when playing with a friend or a relative who doesn’t know when to tap -- and the consequences might be dire.

P.S. From what I understood, neither the boy nor his cousin have practiced jiu jitsu; the boy was probably just trying the moves from TV, without any awareness of safety measures. As Rener said, if even one of them had any jiu jitsu experience, this tragedy would almost certainly be prevented (I never heard of a single death case related to jiu jitsu). But nevertheless it made me do some uncomfortable introspection of my own practices, and I found them lacking.

Yesterday, a friend told me that my blog doesn't work.

It was like this: he asked why do I feel the need to be so open about myself online, and I told him that, among other things, it makes it easy for people to get to know me. In particular, it filters the right people out. Someone can read my blog and decide that he doesn't like me, without me even knowing. Very efficient.

"Doesn't work", he said. "When I tried reading your blog, I thought you were unbelievably boring! And you are not. This blog paints a completely wrong picture of you. If that's what you want to achieve with it -- to allow people to get to know the real you -- then it fails."

Just to make sure, I asked him whether his dislike of my blog was because I can't write, or because he disagreed with whatever I was saying. I know that some people find it difficult to separate style and content. (For me it's actually pretty easy -- I often find myself thinking things like "Wow, this guy sure can write! Pity his opinions are so dumb." But my mom is not like that -- a good writer can easily convince her of almost anything.) So I asked him about it -- because I myself understand that I can't write worth a damn. (For example, I know for a fact that I have a sense of humor -- I make people laugh often in conversations -- but unfortunately, this trait is almost completely absent from my writing).

But he insisted it was both -- that he just got a completely different picture from my blog than from me in person.

And I just realized I don't have many people whom I can ask. Not many people who actually know me closely follow my blog (which is, btw., a big sign that my friend was right on target...)

For what it's worth, though -- what do you think? Does my blog paint a truthful picture of me?

Huh. I just accidentally found something I wrote almost three years ago, and didn't publish for some reason. Here it is -- my opinion didn't change since then.

It seems that I’m a freak.

I recently witnessed many discussions on how acceptable it is to pursue a friendship with someone you're interested in romantically, and I keep hearing opinions that are absolutely baffling to me. I hear things like: it's wrong, it's dishonest, it's not a "real" friendship, the other person will be rightfully furious at you when they find out, etc. etc.

It seems that, for all these people, friendship and romance are required to develop on absolutely distinct paths, right off the bat; otherwise, they see it as wrong somehow.

Example: Dan Savage said in response to one of Savage Love letters:

It's shredding, emotionally speaking, to make friends with guys in the hopes that something more will happen only to be rejected once you've invested a lot of energy and time in the friend you really want to fuck. It's also dishonest: your new friend will realize, once the pass is made, that you had designs on 'em all along, that you had an ulterior motive, and conclude that your friendship wasn't genuine.”

I'm sorry, I just completely don't get this.

I suspect that the difference between us is this: they see friendship as opposed to a romantic relationship, like the two are mutually exclusive, whereas I see friendship as being a part of romantic relationship. Moreover, it is an absolutely vital part – I can’t have romantic relationships without it. All of my romantic relationships began with friendship!

Another point: friendship is not only a vital part of a relationship – it is also the most important one, by far! The most rewarding, the most fun, the most worthy to pursue. Whenever I really like someone, I’ll always be willing to give up the sex in order to be able to be their friend. And that is the main difference between me and the people that Dan Savage represented in that letter.

What Dan meant is probably this: if you could know in advance that the person will never sleep with you, you wouldn’t initiate friendship with them in the first place! The only motive for your “friendliness” was the chance to get in their pants! Now, if that was really your thinking, then, yes -- you were, indeed, dishonest, I agree with that.

But that is absolutely not how it works for me. When I am trying to become friends with someone, it is because I find them interesting and fun and I want to be their friend. Now, I may also want to sleep with them; but I can’t emphasize the “also” enough. The romance is not mandatory – the friendship is. First, foremost and most importantly – I want to be their friend.

In fact, I’m quite disgusted with Dan’s words (for the very first time, actually – and I’ve read almost everything he ever wrote). For me, spending time and energy on a friend is its own reward... otherwise, what kind of friendship is that?! And regarding the emotional turmoil – yes, I agree, it can be not easy sometimes. But it’s totally worth it. (At least for me.)

This post has a dual goal:

If you’re my friend, and you realize that I’m in love with you – don’t conclude that my friendship is not genuine. It is.

If you are interested in me romantically, ask yourself: if a fairy told you that she looked into the future and I definitely won't sleep with you, ever – would that knowledge make you not want to be my friend anymore?

If the answer is yes – that you’re interested in my friendship only on condition for the prospect of sex – please, fuck off! I mean it – we’re not right for each other, I don’t need you in my life.
But it is completely okay if you are interested in sex – as long as you are interested in me regardless of ever having it.

-- Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. (Franklin P. Jones)

That's exactly how I feel in jiu jitsu. And that is in the best case, actually. Like, today I rolled with an awesome brown belt, Drew (it's such a pleasure to watch him!), but, I don't know, I just feel so stupid! Like, from his point of view, it probably looks like "Okay, I'm doing this sweep or that sweep". From my point of view, it is more like "I was up, and now I'm on my ass, and I have no idea what happened!" And it's like that all the time! :-(  And 'progress' only means that instead it is like "I still don't know what exactly happened, but I'm pretty sure it already happened before! Oh! Here it goes again! Shit..." And then I feel even more stupid for not being able to figure it out even after being shown so many times...

Oookay, so we just moved to Canada! Whoo-hoo!



We’ve been very busy in the last days and I’m tired... I apologize upfront that this post is more of a long collection of random ramblings about our experiences here so far; but I know that many friends are interested and asked us for an update, so here goes... :-)

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I decided to radically cut down the time that I spend on social networking sites (and on the Internet in general), and so I will choose among Google+ and Facebook.

And my choice is... (drum roll)

Google+!



Okay, obviously, I’m being loyal to my employer :-) But there are also other reasons. For one, the social networking core of Google+ (circles) is the most sensible I have seen so far. Unlike the common “friends” models, it follows the actual reality of people’s social interactions: namely, all people are part of various social circles, and wish to maintain different interactions with their different circles. You just cannot reduce everything to “friends”! Frankly, I really hate the “friends” concept, especially the Facebook version. The most annoying thing is that it is symmetrical -- someone needs my permission to be added. So the most common exchange I have on Facebook is “Hi, can I be your friend?” “Um, I have no idea who you are” and it’s silly and leaves a bad taste. After all, someone just asked to become my friend -- what kind of a bitch am I to refuse to that?

LJ model also doesn’t solve the problem, since it still uses the loaded term “friend” for a relationship that actually means two superficial and badly related things: 1) “I want to read what you write in my stream” and 2) “I want you to see my locked posts”. I know many people who feel compelled to add someone on LJ when being added -- they cannot help feeling that it is expected of them, and then they complain that their flist is full of stupid...

Google+ solves it. When someone adds you, you get the notification “John Doe has added you to his circles”, and you don’t feel the slightest reason to add him back. For all you know, the circle he added you into is named “Assholes to laugh at” or “Clingy one-night stands” or something. And if you do add him, you can throw him into a circle such as “Weirdos/stalkers” and never share anything with that circle! Adding someone to circles means only what you want it to, for every specific person.

So this song could never be about Google+:



Well, obviously, G+ is only beginning its way. The whole world is on FB; there are pages not only for people, but for groups, products, interests, activities, etc. G+ doesn’t have that yet; I believe it will. The most important thing is the user base; the rest, I think, will follow...

And that brings me to the main reason I’m switching: too many people think that it is impossible to overthrow such a dominant player on the market as FB has become, and... I just want to see Google prove them all wrong! ;-) It promises to be a fun battle to watch, and I’m rooting for the underdog.

So, guys: we are trying to overthrow Zuckerberg’s empire, who’s with us? :-)  See you on Google+!

Well, finally!



Updates to follow (in particular, I'll post a link to my thesis for the pathologically curious :-)). But for now, I just want to take a rest... And this is exactly what Danny and I have in mind for the next month. As anyone following this journal probably knows (not because I've written about it here, but because only close friends read it... :-)) Danny and I are moving to Canada on August, 1-st, to begin a new life working at Google! I graduated today, Danny's last work day is tomorrow, and the next month will be dedicated solely to having as much fun together as we can think of, while saying goodbye to Israel and all our friends here!

Wow, I still can't believe it's actually over...

 They took Amina. Fuck. [IMPORTANT UPDATE! See in the end.]

It was to be expected, of course. Doesn't make it less horrible. Amina is an out gay blogger in Damascus, out of all places. And, of course, she is against Assad's regiment. If you never heard of her, please read this story. It is amazing. It tells about two armed security service thugs who came into Amina's home, intending to rape and beat her in front of her father, for the things she writes in her blog. The amazing thing is what Amina's father did. If someone asked me, I would not believe that people like these guys could be persuaded with words and reason. But that is exactly what Amina's dad manged to achieve, in that horrible situation. He talked to these guys, after which they apologized and left. Unbelievable.

But, of course, that could only delay the inevitable. Amina and her father soon had to go underground, hiding... and now the fuckers got her. She is probably in prison. I don’t want to think what she is going through...

I read many things in Amina's blog -- it is a fascinating glimpse into life in Syria. While I disagree with her on some issues, I couldn't count the times when I was thinking “Oh, if only more Muslims were like her, the world would be a much better place”. Above all, I am in awe of her decision to stay in her country, in order to fight and make it better. Frankly, I would not do the same. (I am actively not doing the same, to be precise -- I am leaving Israel). People like her amaze me... partially because, at first glance, they are not much of fighters -- comparing to the forces they are against. I mean, come on -- what can they do? Write about freedom? While their opponents shoot, beat, and rape them? What chance does Amina have -- a young spectacle-wearing girl, this flower of liberty, equality and brotherhood -- against forces of medieval darkness, combined with modern weapons?

And yet... in the long run, Amina will win. “Потому что любовь и здравый смысл хоть и не сразу, но всегда побеждают ненависть и хуету. Так устроен этот мир, и геи тут не при чем.” (“Because love and common sense always, albeit slowly, triumph over hatred and bullshit. That is how the world works, and it has nothing to do with gays.”) These are the words of Elena Kostuchenko, who does in Russia the same thing that Amina does in Syria. I disagree with her second sentence, though. The world does not work this way -- it is people like her and Amina who make it so.

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UPDATE: LOL, you're not going to believe this! Or maybe you are. Now that I look back even at my own post, this surely explains a few things. Huh, sometimes when we say "unbelievable", we actually turn out to be right...

An interesting thing: the first and most prevalent emotion I felt when finding out that Amina never existed was... relief. Thinking about her hurt me, and now this hurt dissapeared. The second emotion was sadness. So there are no out gay women in Damascus after all, eh? It made me think about what this guy did. People all over the world are cursing him now. I don't agree with him either. I'm against lies on principle. I think that he meant well, but failed. Not just because of the lies, but because his fictional character set a pretty high bar. He thought that maybe people will begin to identify more with the plight of the real Syrians now; but I'm afraid they will go more like "Now that we know that no Aminas actually exist there, screw this country". It will be difficult for real people to match Amina.

What do you think?

This is an email I wrote nearly 5 years ago. It talks about the book “Life Of Pi” by Yann Martel (btw., this post contains spoilers of it. If you intend to read the book -- which I wouldn’t recommend -- stop reading here). I still remember the novel well, and it was interesting to see how I myself changed over these years. The email was sent to a then friend of mine, who praised the book highly. Here it is, nearly unedited (and I apologize for my informal English, which was worse then):

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